Can a girl become anything she wants? This question is a variation of the age-old debate: “Can women have it all?” — referring to both family and career. But should young girls even be burdened with such adult concerns? After all, they are not yet at the stage of starting a family.
As highlighted in the documentary The Birth Gap: Childless World, many women find themselves confronting this question too late. By prioritizing careers, some ultimately miss the opportunity to have a family.
This issue deserves honest discussion. Girls and young women need comprehensive information to make informed decisions about their futures. Unfortunately, societal norms often render this topic taboo.
In rare instances, the conflict between career and motherhood enters the public discourse, yet motherhood is neither defended nor promoted — it is often apologized for. In 2012, The Atlantic published an article titled “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All,” written by Anne-Marie Slaughter. She resigned from her role as director of policy planning at the U.S. State Department under Hillary Clinton to spend more time with her son. Similarly, in 2022, Vogue published “Serena Williams Announces Her Retirement From Tennis.” These high-profile cases made headlines, but they reflect a reality that countless women face.
However, the struggles of Anne-Marie Slaughter and Serena Williams are not isolated cases. In her Harvard Business Review article “Executive Women and the Myth of Having it All,” Sylvia Ann Hewlett demonstrates that this dilemma is widespread and beyond the reach of anti-discrimination laws. Had figures like Williams and Slaughter encountered these discussions earlier, they might have navigated their careers and personal lives differently.
What Classic Stories Teach Girls
As discussed in our article “On Raising Boys and The Boy Crisis,” children’s stories provide valuable lessons. Though it may seem unconventional, classic fairy tales—many of which inspired Disney films—offer timeless wisdom. These narratives persist because they address fundamental truths of human nature. While technology and societal trends evolve, the essence of the human experience remains constant.
One such truth is the dynamic between men and women. While equal in dignity, they are not interchangeable. Each gender has unique strengths and vulnerabilities designed to complement—not compete with—one another. This concept is known as complementarity.
Classic children’s stories with female protagonists often highlight three recurring themes:
1. The Temptation to Mature Too Quickly
Stories like The Little Mermaid, Little Red Riding Hood, and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs caution against premature sexual maturity. In a culture that increasingly sexualizes young girls, this theme is more relevant than ever. M. Gigi Durham explores this issue in The Lolita Effect: The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What We Can Do About It.
A girl’s choice of attire has become a battleground. Modesty is often framed as “so you don’t tempt the boys,” but clothing is a nuanced form of communication. Modest dress serves multiple purposes: it signals readiness for a committed relationship, deters those seeking only casual flings, and reduces female competition, fostering a sense of sisterhood. Moreover, modesty benefits the wearer by lowering the risk of body image disorders like anorexia.
2. Falling in Love with Fantasy Over Reality
Beauty and the Beast and The Frog Prince explore a timeless question: Can a “beast” or “frog” truly become a prince? This reflects the tendency of girls to be drawn to “bad boys,” sometimes to their own detriment.
3. The Danger of Overprotection
While parents and mentors should safeguard their daughters from harmful influences, excessive sheltering can leave them unprepared for life. Sleeping Beauty and Rapunzel illustrate how overprotection can lead to undesirable outcomes. A balanced approach is essential.
The Shift in Modern Disney Films
These classic stories stand in stark contrast to many modern Disney films, which reflect today’s cultural trends by prioritizing hyper-masculinized career women at the expense of motherhood and femininity. In an effort to promote the “strong, independent woman,” contemporary films often model female protagonists after traditionally masculine traits. Examples include Frozen, Mulan, and Pocahontas. These characters are often depicted as aggressive, reinforcing the idea that strength necessitates dominance.
However, true strength does not require aggression. Girls can be assertive and outspoken while still embracing their femininity.
Returning to Complementarity
Men are natural warriors, while women are life-givers and healers. Though controversial today, women benefit from male protection—just as Saint Mary relied on Saint Joseph, the carpenter. Similarly, men need the healing presence of women to recover from life’s battles. Women possess unique gifts that should be celebrated, not overshadowed, in the pursuit of career success. By recognizing and embracing their distinct strengths, women can find fulfillment without compromising essential aspects of their nature.
J.R.R. Tolkien beautifully expresses this in The Return of the King, when Éowyn undergoes a transformation:
Then the heart of Éowyn changed, or else at last she understood it. And suddenly her winter passed, and the sun shone on her. “I stand in Minas Anor, the Tower of the Sun,” she said; “and behold! the Shadow has departed! I will be a shieldmaiden no longer, nor vie with the great Riders, nor take joy only in the songs of slaying. I will be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren.”
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